Over it, sad and tired

Well it is 1:30 AM. And I am awake. Wide awake. Because for the last 3 nights, Brigz Foster has decided that he wants to be awake from 12:15 to 3:15. It's like clock work. And the most depressing thing I have ever heard.

For 12 months of this kid's life, he has been s.p.o.i.l.e.d. to say the least. After almost losing him, every little peep he made, I was up and at his crip calming him, nursing him, rocking him, whatever the baby wanted to feel safe. At 12 months, I got tired of being awake ALL night long, and decided it was time for some "sleep training". I taught him to go to sleep by himself (which was crazy hard), and then eventually got him sleeping thru the night. Now at 17 months, which has definately been the hardest age for me mentally during the day, the nights have become equally hard.

All day, he is testing his boundaries. He is constantly trying new things and seeing my response. When it is a good thing, life is great. We can both play and have fun. When it is a "bad" thing, he will test me over an over to get my response. He is THE most strong willed kid I have ever met. I have read countless parenting books and websites now, and there doesn't seem to be a "Brigz" response to anything. I think my next purchase is "The Strong Willed Child." I want him to know his boundaries without breaking his spirit, or ever feeling bad about himself. I want him to feel loved all the time, and it is hard to feel like I am doing the right thing when the kid could literally spend all day in time out if I chose to fight every battle. I desperately, DESPERATELY miss the days of fun, coos, and oos, when I never had to be the bad guy at all.

I pick my battles. I think we both might go crazy if I nagged at him all day. But for the past month, I have been saying, "God knows what he is doing, because my days are mentally draining, but he sleeps 13 hours at night so he must be giving me a break." Well, wrong. He is now waking up all night long so we are both a tired mess during the day.

When he wakes up at night, he screams for me. It is so hard and breaks my heart every time. I go in, get him calm, and leave again. So he knows he is "safe" but also that "it is bed time". It is working terribly the past few nights. Keep your fingers crossed, that this is just a phase and that he will be able to sleep well (for the both of us soon). It is crazy how much sleep affects your daily life. I can only imagine in a tiny little body that is already so confused and frustrated with trying to figure out how to communicate and learn every day life.

Life has been reallllllly good. Corey has been home and I feel like a "real" person when he is here. i swear I fall in love with him all over every day. He melts my butter :)

So brigz and I have been busy with our daily chores of checking cows, cleaning floors, laundry, and play, play, play. Sometimes I feel like a merry go round with the monotony of my every day, but it is worth every second. I try to keep up with my extremely messy child, but I usually just give into the mess so that I can enjoy my time with him. Because catching him on a happy note has been a challenge lately!! With the new arrival of four little pearly whites, we have Oscar the grouch living with us. He is always in the edge of an utter meltdown and any little thing will tip him over. He is the most strong willed little person I have ever met so I am trying to find the balance between teaching him discipline and not breaking his spirit. Oi. He could live in time out if I were to fight every battle. On the flip side, he is the sweetest most snugly little guy. After a time out he comes over an wants a kiss and hug and then typically repeats the exact thing he was just put into time out for.

We are happy to be debt free!.... But I'm thinking it is not gonna last long:( I busted a part off my car yesterday mud bogging (aka driving out of our drive way) so keep ur fingers crossed that it doesn't cost an arm and leg.

I majorly have the baby bug right now. Maybe I'm missing a sweet little baby that i don't have to discipline I don't know. Or maybe it is just pinterest and all the adorable baby nurseries:)

Here is our messy living room at the end of the day. Eek